So I return to blogging to help avoid being too personal on Facebook. I know I won't get the feedback here that I get on FB but blogging helped though tough times before so maybe it will again.
Tough times....hmmm.....they come on like the wind, meaning my mood changes like the weather. I felt really good earlier, finished my last laser treatment and instead of coming home and putting on my nightgown I put on a pair of shorts and a tee shirt...then the fog set in and my mood dropped. I won't even write here some of my darkest thoughts but suffice to say I am discouraged. Why? I have had a very successful and relatively easy transition. My insurance pays for my endocrinologist and I get my hormones and lab work done on base for free. My job is safe and my co-workers and patients have accepted me, I still have my home and I am making friends...I really have nothing to complain about.....then why am I so very sad so much of the time?
Well that was a rhetorical question. I know why I am sad so much of the time. I get my batteries recharged by being around people. I so look forward to the end of the work day and then the work week....then I come home to an empty house. I need love in my life, and I had it....and then I through it away. Was it really worth it Laura? Hardly matters because it is what it is. I am a freak with mixed parts. Caught in 'no man's land' between man and woman....the land of the lost it seems. I listen to my friends on facebook....they, like I did, get excited by small victories, like being referred to as their identified gender. Not to minimize the importance of that, I still get that little boost when it happens. On the other hand, most of them are alone...so what chance do I have.
Yes, reality bites...part II.
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