I was driving to Panera Bread on Saturday morning for my usual weekend breakfast and it stuck me. Another light bulb moment I guess. This time is was something I didn't feel. I didn't have the rush of anxious excitement that I think was probably fueled by self doubt about "passing". BTW, I'm not going to use that term anymore. Seems it suggests fooling people and I'm not trying to fool anyone. I am just being myself and trying to blend in. So, from now on it's "blending in".
Anyway, that rush of anxious excitement was missing. When I thought about it I didn't even have that rush when I transitioned to Laura on Friday after work. It's just become something I do. Well that same feeling was there all weekend, or absence of feeling. I was just being. Being myself. There still was none of that noise in my head like when I present as a boy. No thrill of adrenaline like there has been. Just a true sense of peace with the world. Over these past few days I've come to embrace thatfeeling that, in it's own right, is another "first". This one I expect to hang onto for the rest of my life.
I want to thank my wife, the angel, for helping me to find myself and step into the light from the darkness I had lived in for the first 56 yrs of my life. I love you sweetheart. <3
Yes, this is what normalcy feels like, and I like it. :-)
I am sincerely,
Laura Catherine
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