So, about last night. My wife and I went out again to the usual places. First Squid Lips but only for one because it was really cold and windy on the deck in spite of their heaters and the plastic windows around the outside. Plus it was packed and we had to stand or sit on bar stools in the back corner, not even at a table. Plus, the band wasn't that great. So it was on to Lou's Blues, earlier than usual, just after 8:00.
We did find seats at a half moon shaped table, facing the dance floor. We were listening to Karaoke and getting into the atmosphere when this guy from the other night came in. Sure enough he sat across from us at our table. He looked back and made an acknowledging remark. Shortly thereafter he asked my wife to dance and she politely declined. He then said, "what, you don't like to dance?" and she shook her head no, which is a lie. Well not long after that another guy winked at her from the bar (I didn't notice but she told me later) and then came over and took am empty seat next to her. She is so warm and inviting that guys figure they can talk with her and she won't be mean to them, and they are right. He introduced himself and started talking away to her. I was on her other side and kept looking toward the singer, ignoring him. My wife tapped me and told me he was talking to me. Which he was, surely trying to be polite but so that she wouldn't think badly of him for ignoring me. Well he kept on, talking about his job, money, property....clearly trying to impress her. While she chatted back with him she never led him on or said anything that would suggest he had a chance with her. He offered to buy us a drink at one point but she said we already had one, mostly because she didn't know how I would feel. I guess this is going to happen when we go out so I suppose we need to have a plan in advance. Well after a while we decided to go out for a cigarette and that got us away from him for a minute. Well no sooner had we gotten outside and lit up when the other guy, the one from the other night, the Portuguese, came out. Now there is a covered area outside where people go to smoke and it's big. There are the benches at one end and lots of standing room. Well there is an old barber's chair by the door and a round bar table but no other seats. She sat in the chair and I stood next to her. The chilly north wind was blocked by the building. So what did he do? Just guess. Yes, of course he came over and stood by us. He didn't say a lot but my wife asked him if he drove home from the club (vs a cab or some other means of getting home?) and he made out he didn't hear her and came over and stood between us and told her about the fancy car he has. Well we quickly finished our cigarette and went back inside, this time to the ladies room for a bit of peace and quiet. When we came out it was back to our table and the second guy was over in a minute. Eventually the band came on and he was up and down, even dancing with some other girl one time. We shifted our seats a couple of times but he still managed to end up near her. We got tired of the whole thing, or I did and she sensed it, and let at about 10:00.
We stopped back for one more at Squid Lips on the way home. It was still packed but we found seats at the bar. She did have just the one and left.
My wife has told me many times, "You reap what you sow", but I never thought of it in quite this way. If I am going to be a girl and we are going to be out together, guys are going to flirt with her or both of us. Somehow I'm going to have to get used to this but, right now, I have no idea how to handle it, I just get embarrassed. So today is, about last night.
I am sincerely,
Laura Catherine
i don't go to bars and listen to bands and stuff like that. but i understand guys coming on to you and your wife while you are present. in this case there is actually a bit of humor involved i guess, but be careful. male egos are fragile. go easy. men get violent when they think they are being fooled. and most men do not understand transgenders... even gay men. even after your surgery there is still potential for trouble. and you will not be able to fool everyone who is potentially dangerous. meaning you will get into physical trouble. take precautions. learn to disarm and learn legalities. learn to handle confrontation. i worked on security for a long time handling the public. the hardest part is when you get involved emotionally. you have to know what that feels like to learn to deal with it. first your adrenaline gets going for whatever reason, and then you get into a feedback loop and things escalate. if you are used to it you can postpone that loop or draw it out for a limited time... but eventually it will maximize and you will be vulnerable. so you need to know your limits. your wife has been dealing with come ons for a long time. she is used to it. it is a animal thing verbally demonstrated. being a woman is a very hard thing to do sometimes. and men wonder why women are superior. also your brain is still developing. sounds like you have a few more communication centers active than at the start. you had 9 your wife had 15. you will never have her capability, but you can approach it and if you learn gesture dynamics you can surpass her. your big advantage is you understand males better than she. so the more you learn the safer the both of you will be. whew.
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