A draft of an e-mail I'm planning to send to my children to tell them about my being transsexual and my plans to transition. Please note, this is a first draft.
Let me start by telling you both how much I love you and how proud I am of the women that you have become. Life has not always been easy for either one of you but you both have showed perseverance and fortitude, never letting the obstacles of life keep you from getting where you needed to go, to be the women you were meant to be. Your journeys are not over as life, in its entirety is a journey in itself. It’s good to recognize the path though so you can stop and smell the flowers and also so you can find your way back should life force a detour at times.
What I want to share with you is about my journey and the detours that life has caused me to take. In my case though, it seems my entire life, up to now, has been one long detour from the path I was meant to travel. I don’t want to give the impression that I have not enjoyed parts of it, certainly the joys that you have both given me have been highlights.
That being said I’ve always felt something was not right with me. Now that I have come to see and accept myself as I really am, so many things in my life make sense. You see, the thing is, I am transgendered. I am female on the inside and male on the outside. More specifically I am transsexual. Further, I have decided to make the transition from being male to becoming female so that my gender identity matches my presentation to the world. Soon I will begin taking female hormones as well as others that will block my body from producing testosterone. My body will change, slowly, and I will have more female features. I will develop breasts, about a cup size smaller than my mother is what they estimate, so I guess a B cup is what I can expect. My skin will soften, the hair on my body will soften and become thinner or disappear altogether. The fat in my cheeks and belly will redistribute itself to my hips and bottom, so I will have a female waistline. I will lose muscle mass in my upper body so I will look smaller though my weight will not change much so they say. I will stop any balding that is going on and will eventually get hair transplants and let my hair grow out. I’ve already stopped cutting the hair that does grow. I’ve begun laser facial hair removal with Ideal Image. You might have seen billboards advertising their procedure. So far I’ve had two treatments and have 7 to go. Each treatment is about 10 weeks apart and the whole process takes about a year and a half.
Gender reassignment surgery (GRS it’s called) is extremely expensive so I don’t know if I will get that far. If possible I would like to have that done to complete the transition. In either case, I’ve given myself one year from now to be living full time as a female. By then some of the changes induced by the hormones will be visible and it will be harder to pass as a man.
Lynda has been great though admittedly she is having a very difficult time dealing with all of this. She has not told her children yet and I will leave that to her till the time she feels ready. While this has understandably caused a strain in our marriage, we love each other very much and at this point, are planning to stay together.
I am sending you this e-mail so that you can have a chance to digest the information before facing me directly, either on the phone or in person. There are so many things I want to say to you, explain things that have happened in my life that now have an explanation. I’d rather do that in a more personal way than an e-mail if that’s ok.
I haven’t told anyone in Massachusetts yet and am thinking about how to go about it. I want to tell them but I am worried about the impact on Granny and especially Poppe’s health. He has just lost his bother and only sibling and just last week his best friend died. Part of me wants to tell them so that they can have a chance to meet their daughter, but another part of me says I should wait until they pass so as not to burden them. As excited and happy about coming to accept myself and the thought of beginning my transition, I know others, including yourselves, are not likely to share my enthusiasm in quite the same way. So, I’m still trying to decide what to do. I will likely tell Judy and Paul before Christmas, also initially in an e-mail. I am going to MA for Christmas so it would also be a time I could follow up with them in person should they wish to ask questions or talk about it with me. I’m telling you now as I know Jennifer will be coming to Florida soon and that will give us the chance to talk in person should you wish to do so.
I would ask that you keep this private amongst yourselves with the exception of Jennifer being free to tell John if you would like to. In that end I would also ask that you not forward this e-mail to anyone else. It’s not so much that I want to keep this a secret (I’ve already told the Chief of the Medical Staff at work) it’s just that I’d like those closest to me to hear it from me first. The internet has made the world a very small place.
You might be wondering what name I will use and what to call me. Dad is fine for now but one day another, female pronoun, will be appropriate and appreciated. The name I have chosen is Laura ; Laura Catherine Perry. I wanted to keep the initials of the name Granny and Poppe gave me. I looked for common female names from my birth year and in the end, there were not many LC combinations that went together so it was pretty easy in the end to pick Laura Catherine. I will change my name legally at some point and when I have completed sufficient medical treatment (as defined by my doctor) to complete my transition, I will also change my gender on my driver’s license and passport. Not sure about my birth certificate. There will be a lot of legal documents to change but one step at a time.
I have thought this through and have been in therapy regarding this issue for several months. As it turns out, the treatment for Gender Identity Disorder, or transsexualism, is to transition to the gender that the person identifies with. They’ve tried, in the past, unsuccessfully to try and help the person become comfortable in the body they were born with. This is no longer the standard treatment.
I know this is difficult for you to grasp and I do have pictures I can send you if you care to see what I look like. Keep I mind I am a, “man in a dress”, right now but hormone therapy will result in more feminine features. All in all though I think I look pretty good.
I know this is hard and I feel horrible about the impact of this on the people I love. I’ve come to see though that transitioning is the only way for me to be happy and I feel that the best years of my life are rapidly passing me by so I am anxious to get started.
When you are ready, I am here to answer any questions you may have, or send you pictures if you wish. I am sending this e-mail to the two of you, not to save time but, to let each of you know what I have said to the other. That way you will have each other to talk with about this as I think it’s important to have someone to talk with. Lynda has had no one but me to talk with about it and I feel bad for her. I’ve helped her find online support groups but she’s really not used them yet. We have read two books together and I would encourage you to read either or both of them if you wish to become more knowledgeable about this condition. The first one, sort of a primer on transsexuality, is called “True Selves” and the second, the story of an English professor who completed her transition, is called, “She’s Not There”. The first is more of a text book and the second a story and more enjoyable to read. Both are good though for their intended purpose.
Anyway…there you have it. I can only hope that the love that we have for each other will allow you to consider what I am doing and come to accept that this is something that I have to do, and will still love me like I will always love you.
Love always,
Dad (aka Laura)
Dad (aka Laura)
I am sincrerely,
Laura Catherine
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