A weekend of mixed emotions. A weekend of questioning myself, of reflection on the tragedy of 911. A weekend of self doubt. Friday night was laundy and relaxing at home. Satuday was a pedicure and french tips on toes and fingers. A day of wondering....is Laua real? Is the a figment of my imagination? A coping skill to deal with the lonliness of my wife being away, like an imaginary friend? Lots of questions. Feeling a need to begin hormones on some aribtrary timeline, conflicted by a desire to be, in the words of Jenny Boylan, "cured by love" when my wife returns.
Then Saturday night and the TCK munch. I got ready to go, late, partly because i felt i was supposed to. I had promised to deliver Jenny Boylan's book toa friend who wished to read it. Partly because i wanted to be around people. Once I was ready and on my way there, i found myself again. I was Laura again, clear headed and confident in my desire to transition. Mingling at the Munch, much more comfortable than last month. I felt confident and content....no, happy. I felt happy, with me, with Laura. On the way home, about 10:00 pm, i didn't want to go home. Took a little bit of a longer route, but did go home in the end.
Stayed up a couple of hours basking in the glow....the glow of Laura.
On Sunday i got ready, Laura got ready, went to Walmart to pick up some milk, oreos, and natural color eye shadow (to blend in better). I took my time, checked out the clothes, some fall items coming in, paid and left....no issues, no problems. Either I pass, people don';t care or the feel sorry for me. I don't care...there were no issues. Home for lunch and then to Squid Lips, with my new book, Whipping Girl. About 2 hours and 3 glasses of wine and home. Didn't really want to go home, but it was Sunday and I needed to unwind before work the next day. But i enjoyed Laura and, for now at least, know she needs to have a prominent place in my life. The only question today is, how much....time will tell.
I am sincerely,
Laura Catherine
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