Another (successful) first; successful being defined that I accomplished what I set out to do and was not deterred by fear or anxiety at being outed. I went to the local Barnes & Noble specifically to look for Jennifer Finney Boylan's book, She's Not There, A Life in Two Genders. (This is the first of two books recommended to me, the other being "Whipping Girl", which is next) So I got ready, enjoyed the drive to the bookstore (Laura always enjoys driving) and looked for a place to park...looked like it was busy. I saw that I could park to the side of the building, limiting how much I would be out in the open as I approached the entrance. Instead I parked in the front of the4 building, near the back row of cars and, after brushing my hair, walked 100 yards or so up to the front door. In front of me a man was holding the door for two women. As they were several yards in front of me I fully expected him to enter and let the door close. It would not have been rude as I was far enough away. But he held the door as I traveled the remaining 30 feet, thanked him, and entered the bookstore. Of course I had no idea what section the book would be in but I thought maybe self help. I toured the shelves until finding that section.
Oh, to pause briefly, I was wearing my jean mini skirt, blue cami top with nearly matching bra and my usual jewelry with dangly earrings. It's really something to be wearing a short skirt and thong underwear....quite erotic...one of those dirty little secrets that only you know -- unless you bend over just a little :-).
Ok, back to the book. I scoured the shelves but it was nowhere to be found. As I was looking I was aware of my mannerisms and felt naturally feminine. Now, I had a choice. I was feeling pretty confident about passing but not about my voice....just haven't practiced enough. I could go to customer service and ask for it but that would mean speaking. Well I thought, I could get it via I Books and had already downloaded the free sample. So, I left. I hate it when they have the greeters that say, have a nice day, when you leave their store :-), but I said thank you and went to my car. I looked up the store, and the book, on their web site to find it was I stock there. I called the store and indeed they did have it and would hold it for me at the register. Now, they wanted my name and phone number, ok so I couldn't give my boy name, dressed as I was, but I hadn't really tried to use my female voice either. I asked him the price and my heart sunk when he told me the price followed by, it will be at the register sir. Well heck with it, I told him my girl name and gave my cell phone number. Went back in, up to the register, got the book, paid and. Successful trip as I did what I had set out to do.
It was early and I didn't want to go home yet. I stooped at the local that I’ve been going to a lot, Squid Lips, figuring it wouldn't be too crowded but they'd have live music. I went in, through the lobby, greeted by the hostess, through the main bar and out to the tiki bar. There were a few people there and a birthday party being set up. I found a high table off to the side and got comfortable, well as comfortable as I could in a mini skirt. I crossed my legs and waited for the waitress. As I waited I saw the lesbian that served me the first time I went in there and she smiled and said hello, I was not one of her tables. After just a few minutes my waitress came to the table and I ordered my usual glass of white zinfandel and a glass of ice. Yes the ice waters it down but makes a glass last longer. I pulled out my book and started reading. Due to the activity in the place, and the live music and most of the people on the nearby deck, I read slowly. People came and went, some glancing over, most just continuing on their way, some smiling but no "outed" looks or comments. Three glasses of wine and 2 chapters later I was on the way home. Whomever it was that suggested bringing a book if I was out alone was brilliant. After being hit on the last two times out it was refreshing just to sit there, enjoy the atmosphere and read my book without being approached. The fake female engagement/wedding ring only helped so much, but I do feel better wearing them than nothing, while I don't feel right wearing my male wedding ring.
Another good day. It seems that Laura only has good days, so far anyway. One more day of this weekend to enjoy....another good day coming up tomorrow? Hope so. I need to practice my female voice.
I am sincerely,
Laura Catherine
No comments:
Post a Comment